The behavior of the parents forms the behavior of the child – sometimes in very specific ways. It is important not only what is happening at home. Equally important is what does not happen!
These 5 things never do those who do not love their children.
(The speech will go mostly about mothers, but the same applies to fathers too).
1. Shows empathy.
Beginning in infancy, the relationship between mother and child lays down mental ideas about what the world of relationships generally resembles.
When you respond to the child’s feelings, console him if he needs it, or let him rest, the baby learns that the world is a safe place that you can trust. Although all people are born with empathy, it develops precisely because of the close interaction between mother and child. An unloving mother demonstrates nothing of the kind.
2. Respects boundaries.
In a healthy situation, the child knows that he is a separate person and he has a personal space. The mistake of mothers is to go to extremes: either to break into this space despite the fact that the child needs to separate, or, conversely, to be emotionally inaccessible and to accustom the child to the fact that everyone by himself must be able to protect himself independently. Growing up, such children are hardly able to understand that boundaries are part of a healthy relationship.
3. Accepts your child.
A loving mother always transmits a message to the child: “You are you, and this is normal, whatever you are,” which ensures a healthy self-esteem.
Adoption does not mean that the mother does not notice: the child has flaws or needs to learn something. And it does not imply that the child should be given a prize simply because he appeared. A loving mother disciplines and sets the rules, but does not insult or shame the child in the process. Acceptance includes acceptance of defeat or failure.
4. Sees the child completely.
This follows from the adoption: the ability to see the child as he is, and to recognize him the right to his own needs, desires and thoughts, even if they seem controversial to you. This, of course, does not mean that you necessarily agree with everything. But you accept the child’s choice and are open to discussion. Authoritarian, controlling and narcissistic mothers look at their children through the prism of their own needs and desires, that is, they really do not see them. Since the face of the mother is the first mirror in which we see ourselves, unloved children rarely see themselves clearly in it, if they see it at all.
5. Takes responsibility.
It’s impossible to be perfect – never lose your temper, be in a good mood 24/7 and never make mistakes. We are imperfect by definition. But – and this is a big “but” – a loving mother takes responsibility for her mistakes and tries to mend relations when something goes wrong. She is aware of her influence and strength and tries never to abuse them; she knows the value of an apology.
Both the actions and inaction of the mother determine the development of the child. Understanding how your mother’s behavior influenced yours is a key step to recovering and getting rid of childhood injuries.